in fourth grade i saw the titanic even though my parents told me not to. i had nightmares for a year and i had to sleep with a night light.
spoiler alert: i had nothing to fear because i don’t live on a boat
post script: this isn’t 1912
fyi: a night light would be of little to no use in this situation.
by the way: the night light i chose was a monkey in a suit, smiling and holding a candle standing on top of a stack of books.
ironically: i now have night mares about that night light.
follow-up question: who thinks seeing the titanic in 3D would be fun?
“hey. you know would be really great right now? watching people hurl themselves off of a sinking ship into the atlantic ocean. possibly in 3D. i really wanna feel like people are leaping to their deaths in MY general direction, ya know?”
no. i do not know.
because that is literally the most messed up thing in the history of the galaxy.
when i have to run down the hall to the bathroom 8 times today because i
a) am a little creeped out because i watched too much of the fades
b) drank 127 gallons of water because i happen to be an idiot
c) am only wearing green AA spandex and a michigan quidditch shirt
i look like a leprechaun with a urinary tract infection.
THEY’RE AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS
i see a squirrell
and i’m like
and then i
until i
chase it with my face all
and i see a man watching me like
and so i go
when i’m really thinking
and he still looks all
so i just
and play it cool.
got lost in the library for an hour. it was like wandering through fucking narnia. i got so frustrated i had to call the front desk to ask them to come find me.
they did. after an embarrassingly public game of marco polo.
WHO GETS LOST IN A LIBRARY?!
follow-up question: WHO KNOWS THEY ARE LOST IN A LIBRARY AND IS TOO PROUD TO ASK FOR HELP FOR AN HOUR?!
guys, it’s me.
me: I JUST SPILLED DIET COKE ALL OVER MY EARTHLY POSSESSIONS
belle: what about your spiritual possessions?
me: yes, belle, i spilled diet coke all over my spiritual possessions
rachelle: "my soul is sticky."
last week in lecture this unfortunate child decides it would be a grand idea to come to class oozing mucus. as fate would have it, he sits behind me.
15 minutes into class he sneezes all over the back of my neck and the girl next to me. THE ONE FREAKING DAY MY HAIR IS IN A PONYTAIL SO I DON’T EVEN HAVE A DECENT SNOT SHIELD. it goes everywhere, the girl next to me is gagging, my computer screen is covered in this gross ass kid’s bodily fluids and i start trying to wipe it off my neck when i yell “JESUS CHRIST IS THIS SHIT FOR REAL?!”
incidentally, it’s my arab-jewish conflict class. and we are discussing the palestinian exodus from israel so everyone turns around expecting to see some enraged middle eastern girl.
but no. it’s just some dumbass white chick, mumbling to herself and frantically trying to clean the nose juice from her kleenex of a neck.
